i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
