I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize