I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
