I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize