i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
