Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
