my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
