She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
