If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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