Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
