it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
