I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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