I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
