i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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