very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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