Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
