Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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