Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
