Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
just tell him i said nine months
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
