Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
