Got a toothbrush?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
