My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
