I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
