We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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