I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
