there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
