Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
