We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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