look no pants
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
