This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
