Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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