I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
