i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Vodka?
Forever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
