Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
