I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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