we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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