I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
