you would pick up someone in the library
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Randomize
