Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
