somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
where am i from again
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
