I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
