It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
