Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
