Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
