I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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