It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
