areolas are like halos for boobs.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What a dumb baby whore.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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