I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
