I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
