nut hugger
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
