if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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