Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
