Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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