this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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