just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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