porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
