I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
