trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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