i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
