glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
