I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
