Define "chronic" masturbator.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize