She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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