I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Your dad touched me again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
