Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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