Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
