She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize