so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
