when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
