So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
someone owes me an orgasm
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
