Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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