Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
