I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
