You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
