i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
