I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
