My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize