So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
