I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
