I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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