I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
