Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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