Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
