so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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