Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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