Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
