apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
