ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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