He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
