if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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