I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
