i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
