Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
