summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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