out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize