you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
