8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
