He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
