It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize