he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I believe in your delicious
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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