whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
