Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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