Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
