he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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