he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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