sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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