I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
