he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
