4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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