She said her name was "party"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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