I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
