you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
