i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
