they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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