I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
